When you feel angry, frustrated, judged, or hurt how do you react?
Many of us have a habit of berating ourselves or the thing that we credit with upsetting us. This can be detrimental in several ways. We can say and do things to ourselves and others that we don't mean, we can damage relationships with our reaction, and we squash the opportunity to learn from the situation.
So how do we give others (and ourselves) a bit of heart?
1) We pause
2) We examine our feelings
-What word best describes this feeling
-Where in our bodies are we feeling this emotion
3) We ask ourselves why we are feeling this way
-Is this situation reminiscent of a previous experience
-Do we fear for our safety or the safety of someone else
-Does the situation make us question our beliefs
4) We ask ourselves why the situation occurred in the manner that it did
-Was it accidental
-Was it malicious
-Was there a motive
*positive or negative
5) We consider our response options
-What response is an honest representation of how we feel
-What response allows for resolution
5) We react in a manner consistent with our feelings and our goals for the situation.
This may seem like a pretty burdensome list when all you want to do is give someone a piece of your mind, but when you practice this you will find that these steps can be reviewed quite quickly. The great benefit is that you will be able to respond in an effective and authentic manner that leaves room for growth on both sides.
Many of us have a habit of berating ourselves or the thing that we credit with upsetting us. This can be detrimental in several ways. We can say and do things to ourselves and others that we don't mean, we can damage relationships with our reaction, and we squash the opportunity to learn from the situation.
So how do we give others (and ourselves) a bit of heart?
1) We pause
2) We examine our feelings
-What word best describes this feeling
-Where in our bodies are we feeling this emotion
3) We ask ourselves why we are feeling this way
-Is this situation reminiscent of a previous experience
-Do we fear for our safety or the safety of someone else
-Does the situation make us question our beliefs
4) We ask ourselves why the situation occurred in the manner that it did
-Was it accidental
-Was it malicious
-Was there a motive
*positive or negative
5) We consider our response options
-What response is an honest representation of how we feel
-What response allows for resolution
5) We react in a manner consistent with our feelings and our goals for the situation.
This may seem like a pretty burdensome list when all you want to do is give someone a piece of your mind, but when you practice this you will find that these steps can be reviewed quite quickly. The great benefit is that you will be able to respond in an effective and authentic manner that leaves room for growth on both sides.
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